Only Questions

I have arrived at the downest moment in my 23rd year and in all the years I have existed. As if, there is no longer something to be aspired. As if, all the energy has been exhausted by premature hyperactivity. As if life itself has lost the vibrancy it once exuded. As if, one can foretell the future that was once elusive. As if the experiences of the people I have met will reflect the kind of life I was meant to live. Never have I asked so many questions. Yet, there is a preponderance of thoughtless, meaningless, sophomoric answers that seemingly coaxed you to believe there is indeed a path. The structure I once praised myself for creating, is slowly disintegrating like giant steel bars against the most fragile of the crates and I, the creator of these ideas and fantasies, am crushed by the weight of what is real. I see people but I do not see purpose. I cannot see existence. I fail to share their thrill of anticipation. Questions keep barraging you from all directions your soul could pry open, yet when you devote your fullest desire to answer every single mark, abstraction replays as if analysis has been clouded by the phoniness of concretization. There is so much pain, for wanting to be somebody. Pain, for wanting to live up to. How can one wake up knowing no path to tread? Fears of discontentment spring forth and the cries are overwhelmingly loud, you lose track of coherent thoughts. I lack answers. I have none to process. As if my life has been enveloped by the strongest membrane of uncertainty. You know it. You feel it. My mind needs resuscitation, and whatever I feed it, it doesn't respond. 

I am exhausted, yet I have done nothing. And it is the most potent of all for neither can it be remedied by convention. And I will be in this defenseless limbo until my heart takes courage and fight its way through answers I must gain. I figured I have long answered this pending need. But when you're not fulfilled, it will keep coming back, like some ghost of the distant past. And only when you truly find the most genuine of all wanting, can it finally let go. I need to be directed before I can direct the lives of others.