I thank Iz for her heartfelt letter. After ko yun nabasa, I fell into a trance and I felt numb and weightless. And all of my feelings floated within me, into my consciousness, altogether affirming my own frustrations. After reading it, I lay back thinking in retrospect, until I closed my eyes with a lot of questions unanswered.
My sort-of depression was necessary, I believe, to even propel me to realize that the life I am living, if continually lived, will be a repetition of lives that have lived it. My mind has to stray at a slighter angle to see what convention has blinded. I am seeking a finer purpose and am still seeking it. And yes, I have also turned my sights to business. But it is dough with the poorest gluten, a fanaticism that must be watered to mature. We need capital, investors, great ideas. But I do not know how to arrange them in the proper order. Childish. I thought at first, that everybody's happy with how things are turning up for their lives, why am I the only one left to be tread upon in the mud, but then hearing that life challenges her as well gave me strength that ultimately, it is what we want, and not the place that roots us, that burns our will, and defines the perspectives we wish to interpret things.
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