Its almost impossible to shut yourself from a very tempting opportunity, to catalog yourself among the elite. To be elite, you have to live elite. To be elite, you have to semi-abandon the past thought of living black and white. You have to draw what is colorful among those who presumed that this is the way we become known for, recognized for, adored for, envied for. So does ones feeling of inferiority and insecurity. This is the reason why I don’t want to be zeroing myself to their presence. Its like I seldom get right. I have already lost the freedom to self-express. I am questioning if my actions deem appropriate to them, if I only utter them to satisfy myself or the other way around. Its hard to face these people really. You have to withhold the semi-shame of not being that learned, or that exposed to Americanization or other culture for that matter. Its hard to pretend that you know, so I don’t. I have to endure what is different and that is to be indifferent myself. I have to shut up and consume this insensitivity and just wallow in my own thoughts of being just who I am. There is no mistake of living without the carcass of enculturation. Even if I don’t go to those “hip churva”, its still no excuse. I have a different way of doing things, and living my life. We don’t need the externals, the accessories of “metrosexuality”. Prioritizing those essential needs is enough.
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